Lost in dependency.

What does it mean to be dependent?  It is defined as "the state of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else."  It involves aspects of vulnerability and trust.  You have to be willing to let yourself go completely, open up all of yourself to someone, in order to allow yourself to be "dependent."  Society dictates to us that at some point or other, in our lives, creating some sort of dependency is necessary to feel fulfilled.  We are led to believe that forming reliant relationships upon others, whether platonic or romantic, will lead us to happiness.  What no one tells is us that this notion is a difficult one to grasp.  

How are we supposed to give others the benefit of the doubt?  How are we supposed to deposit one hundred percent of our trust, in someone else, from the get go?  Aren't people supposed to gain our trust, isn't that something that needs to be earned?  How are we supposed to know whether or not someone is trustworthy?  How is this supposed to be possible when, as adults, we often feel continually disappointed and let down by those in our lives?  How, when we've been betrayed in the past are we supposed to be willing to let our guard down around the new beings that come into our lives?  

How are we expected to do these things when we know we could end up hurt, again?

Allowing ourself to operate in such a manner that forces us to trust, create need, and implied dependency is frightening.  Why isn't it acceptable to operate solely as a lone wolf?  Why have we created such a need for exterior validation, formed through said trust, to enforce notions of happiness?  Since when hasn't it been enough to just be comfortable with ourselves as a means of creating this inner utopia, where we only need to be dependent upon our individual capacity?  We've grown to require this, often, frustrating dependency upon others to function coherently.  Why? I don't know.  How to fix, or grow out of, it? I don't know.  All I know is that this conceived lack of self-comfortability, and self-dependence, is terrifying and I want out.  All I want, again, is to trust myself, to be comfortable with myself, to depend on myself, and to find happiness - within myself.